I know this will come back to bite me.
But seriously. I have done very little these last couple weeks. And I think it's an unconscious attempt at self-preservation because really, I am very inefficient right now. If I have the energy and correct muscles left in place to accomplish something, I usually lack the mental clarity or decisiveness to complete (or more often, start) it. If I can think straight about something that needs taken care of, usually I run out of steam before even attempting it. I've given up. It'll all be okay.
Then today a whole new wave of unpreparedness hit me at the kids' naptime. My heart. This baby is 100% blessing, no doubt about it. But I look at Ever and worry about the things I'm going to miss during the business and excitement and weariness of this next phase. I look at Tell and suddenly realize how very much he still looks like a baby when he's sleeping. I tell my heart to grow and my will to stiffen and buck up, because loving three is going to take more effort, but it will all come back to me a million times over, I know...
I'm in love with my kids. Every day I get frustrated and angry with them, but every day I thank God from the bottom of my heart for placing them here with me. They are so excited to meet their little sister and so am I. They love to blow raspberries on my tummy and laugh and I'm sure she can hear their excitement. It is truly a special, special time.
So, that said, now if anyone can tell me of a safe and legal drug that will give me the energy and peace of mind to play with them and teach them and gaze at their angel faces while they sleep and clean and cook and maybe even exercise and still be a happy, smiling, calm mother, please let me know ;)